white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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