Just fell off a train. Bad.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dignity is for republicans.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize