Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
