I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize