I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
