i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
