oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize