Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize