Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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