I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize