why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
