Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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