I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I want a musical about memes.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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