I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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