it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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