my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Is it because I queefed?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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