It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
