They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i out mim tonsoeep
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
