i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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