wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize