Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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