After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
