No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
