I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
