i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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