On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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