i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
