the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
