ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
