At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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