im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
