I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
