Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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