What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
