ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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