i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Sorry my hands just texted you
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize