I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
