My balls are so social today.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
