Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
