someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
