I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
