I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
