So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
