this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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