This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You're like the curious george of whores
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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