Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
