'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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