on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Randomize
