just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
