I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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