We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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