he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
