I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
