I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I want to fling myself into the sun
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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