she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
