I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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