New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
