I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
