She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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