I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
