I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
and she was petting her beer can
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
