Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
