Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
