Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize