saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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