Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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