Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
