I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
two words...techno handjob
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
